On April 3rd, 2000, the United States government declared Microsoft an illegal monopoly. On April 4th, 2000, Bill Gates launched the Gates-trix virus. Life, as we know it, ended. Dio Blanderson was living a Windoze-induced nightmare he may have never woken from, if not for a handful of ragtag anti-Gates freedom fighters. The fate of the world now rests in the hands of the only people left uninfected by the Gates-trix virus: the people so dumb they’ve never touched a computer. Can hick rebel leader “Memphius,” cheerleader “Vanity,” and jock “Jock” train Dio in time to defeat Bill Gates before he downloads Windoze Infinity and assimilates the entire human race? Not if Gates’s henchman, evil virus hunter Norton, can help it. Because in the Gates-trix, “free range humans” are the only virus.