Greetings, my fellow computer-owning Christians. My name is Mrs. Betty Bowers and - as you already know - I’m America’s Best Christian. While some might regard such a seemingly lofty title somewhat onerous to live up to, both piety and superiority are completely effortless to me, which is, no doubt, why I was conferred such an honor in the first place. As an American Christian, I have devoted my life to hectoring my Invisible Savior with requests for lots of cool stuff. It’s a time-consuming hobby I call “prayer.” I am the founder of Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers, which is a bit like Concerned Women for America, only slightly less concerned and with better shoes. I also oversee America’s most successful Ex-Gay ministry (almost 2 saved souls out of over 150,000 dues-paying members - praise!) called BASH: Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals. Be a man, girl! “You’d all be in my prayers, if I only had that kind of time.”