SEBASTIAN, a translator of dead romance languages, and IDA, his roommate, a cyber-chick nudist, both long for love. Sebastian retreats into obscure poetry. Ida idealizes HIPPO, whom she’s only ever met on-line. Ida lives in her nudist AUNT GERTRUDE’s house. Gertrude, misunderstanding their relationship, wills the house to Ida and her husband, with the remainder going to Gertrude’s poodle, NOODLES. Ida fears losing her home and begins looking for a man. Hippo schemes to swindle Aunt Gertrude with his pet cemetery. Ida sees Aunt Gertrude pass out on her web cam and fears the worst. Sebastian offers to marry her so she can keep the house. Ida throws him out. Sebastian sleeps in his car until an alluring artist/thief, STONE, who makes art from junk, starts taking it apart. Sebastian follows Stone into his workshop and falls in love. Ida decides to call Hippo for the first time. Though surprised his number is actually in Speonk, Long Island and not Brussels, they too begin to fall in love. Hippo kidnaps Noodles. Sebastian returns home and Ida agrees to marry him. Hippo threatens Ida by email. Ida and Sebastian flee. Hippo tracks down Ida at the motel where Stone works. Hippo confesses his love for Ida. They marry while Sebastian pursues Stone into the desert. Aunt Gertrude comes to, with Noodles by her side. Sebastian and Stone, naked, drive off at last together.