Floris van Rozemond Junior, son and heir of a long line of knights of that name, refuses to go in the military ‘family business’ and becomes an actor, a profession scorned by his homonymous father, the general of the under-age duke of Burgundy. The duke chose this year to pay for his people to have bread and butter, rather then canons for the army, but relies for Floris senior’s defense force on a novelty Holy relic from the East, a nail from the Holy Cross, supposedly rendering invulnerable, smuggled to his court in an inconspicuous place- a horse’s arse, yet the men of his rival, the duchess of Gelre, think they got it from the stripped body of the courier. Now Floris Sr. is charged with transporting it, but hides it in cheeses, which get sold to the duchess and distributed to her men in Christmas bonus packets. The Gelre side decides to kidnap Floris Jr. and exchange him for the relic, but a Chinese, Pi, helps him escape; when Floris Senior won’t even hear their plan, they start the quest on their own, enlisting common folk, and infiltrate the duchess’s castle on real relic hunt while she plays the magical healer…