The story begins with the ordering of two guinea pigs for Mr. Morehouse’s small boy, to be shipped to the familiar express office where Mike Flannery, the thick-headed express agent insists that the rate on two guinea pigs should be thirty cents, because “dago pigs is pigs.” Mr. Morehouse points to the rates on pets, which is twenty-five cents, and a violent argument ensues, the end of which is that Mr. Morehouse retires from the office in a high dudgeon, refusing to pay the amount or to accept the consignment. He writes to the company. The letter is received, then Mr. Morehouse gets a reply at the end of a couple of weeks referring him to the Claim Department of the company. He is very wroth and proceeds to write a rebuke to the corporation. Meanwhile the little family of two pigs has increased somewhat. Mr. Morehouse again receives a reply referring him to the Tariff Department in the matter. His rage now exceeds all bounds and he proceeds to lay himself out and the company as well. Again there is a long lapse of time while the company considers the matter and passes it through the usual channels. Meanwhile the family of pigs in Flannery’s care is constantly growing. Finally the express company refers the matter of the classification of guinea pigs to a professor who is supposed to be in Atlanta. Ga., who is in reality at the farthest end of the earth and who consequently does not receive the letter asking his opinion until some months have passed. Then the company, receiving the professor’s learned decision, decides that guinea pigs are not pigs but pets, and informs Mr. Morehouse that he may have the consignment at the twenty-five cent rate. He calls at the office in triumph with half of the village behind him to see his glory at having downed a great corporation. Of course Flannery is delighted at being relieved of his great burden and gladly offers Mr. Morehouse his consignment, which now consists of several thousand guinea pigs. Mr. Morehouse, however, has no notion of taking more than two, and when the stormy scene finally ends Flannery is still possessor of the pigs.